Swimming the Seas of Cheese - Meg 2: The Trench film review

If Chester Cheetah worked in the film industry he most likely would have produced this flick.

Teeming with more cheese than the name brand snack the cartoon feline shills, this sequel to 2018’s The Meg is a tasty low-fat, low-calorie diversion that won’t hyper your tension or clog your arteries (unlike a bag of Cheetos).

The screenwriting trio of Jon Hoeber, Erich Hoeber, and Dean Georgaris—who were responsible for the first film—obviously locked themselves in a room and watched all the Jaws films, chased those down with the crappy Jurassic Park sequels, maybe went old school with It Came From Beneath the Sea, and probably tossed in every shark themed film ever aired on SyFy or produced by The Asylum for good measure. They also borrowed heavily from DeepStar Six, Leviathan, Underwater, and Deep Rising.  Plus a glorious dollop of Deep Blue Sea.  

If you haven’t figured it out by now, Meg 2 is an unabashed B-movie which presents very little in the way of originality. Yet it’s kind of a glorious cinematic snack.

Helmed by Ben Wheatley, who, following in the footsteps of Adam Wingard (Godzilla vs Kong), is the latest cult director to preside over a giant monster movie. Wheatley, best known for quirky and cool offerings such as Kill List and A Field In England, keeps things moving at a brisk pace so you have nary a minute to ponder the absurdity of it all. 

Aiding the director in keeping things afloat is Jason Statham, a man who has single-handedly kept the late 80s/early 90s action film legacy of Arnie, Stallone, Willis, Van Damme, and Norris alive and well for the past 22 years. Yes, I am an unabashed JS fanboy, but beyond that the man has a knack for turning even the most routine of action films into something watchable thanks to his shining pate and lovably gruff ass-kicking manner. Additionally, both Cliff Curtis and Page Kennedy add some comedic chops to Statham’s straight man (Kennedy also has a break-out scene where he unleashes some surprisingly deft pummeling action).

I’m actually confused by the abysmal RT critics rating (28%) since this is by far the most fun I’ve had at the cineplex in quite some time. Sure, the CG is kinda shoddy and the story is cobbled together from that long list of films I mentioned above, but it revels in its ludicrously conflated imitation.

So, yes Meg 2: The Trench is stupid...stupid fresh!  Or, if you prefer: it's simply highly entertaining.

No Lifeguard on Duty - Infinity Pool review

I was initially hesitant to see this film as the trailer made it out to look suspiciously like a rehash of Riley Stearn's sublime 2022 effort Dual. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. Sadly, Infinity Pool isn't nearly as clever or perverse as that film. Nor is it even in the same league as writer/director Brandon Cronenberg's previous release, Possessor.

On the surface, young Cronenberg's third film suffers from arriving at the tail end of the glut of films that have skewered the entitled rich set over the past year--Bodies Bodies Bodies, The Forgotten, The Menus, Glass Onion, Triangle of Sadness, amongst others. But it also gets ire down in some all-too-famliar tropes without even really trying to tweak them enough to make them feel fresh. 

Without giving too much away, the film follows a sad sack hack writer on vacation with his sugar mamma wife. Desperately seeking recognition and approval, he falls in with the wrong crowd and his mundane holiday soon turns into a strangely dystopic nightmare filled with hazing and humiliation. It plays on the foreigner in a foreign land trope, the outsider longing to belong to the cool clique trope, as well as the whole entitled douchebags getting away with murder because they have endless $$$$. All of these themes we have seen in other films, where they were handled with more aplomb.

Perhaps the most frustrating thing about the film is that it look great--the cinematography and production design are stellar--and the cast is terrific. Mia Goth rules the film with a deceptively devilish performance that starts out quiet and unassuming then builds into a smoldering malevolence that is unnerving and uncanny. The supporting cast lend additional rich textures to the proceedings. Yet none of the cool visual elements or strong thespian turns can make up for the half-baked (or perhaps over-baked?) story.

And The Walls Came Tumbling Down... - Babylon film review

Imagine Singin' in the Rain sans musical numbers, mashed together with The Artist and Nickelodeon, then re-imagined by Quentin Tarantino. Well, Babylon is slightly more batshit bonkers than that.

While writer/director Damien Chapel continues to mine his unabashed love for the spectacle and grandeur of the great Hollywood musicals, especially the aforementioned Gene Kelly classic, here he seriously flips the script and instead of an upbeat love story he chooses instead to expose the soft white underbelly of Tinsel Town.

The opening pre-title sequence bursts out the gate with such over-the-top bravado as to surpass the gooey gross-out moments of Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, Stand By Me, The Exorcist, and Triangle of Sadness all combined; the sheer gag inducing reflex here is damn near unparalleled. The rest of the film is liberally peppered with sex, drugs, and big band revelry; Chazelle's longtime musical cohort, Justin Hurwitz, delivers a deliriously whiz-bang of a score.

On the surface, the film is both a sprawling love story and an examination of the decline of a matinee idol. These two main storylines are intermingled with a bit of behind-the-scenes Hollywood excess and a pointed commentary on the racism of the time, specifically how actors and musicians of color had to endure being admired as exotic curios rather than talented human beings. The rest of the film peeps back the allure of the Silver Screen to reveal debaucherous bacchanalia with such unabashed glee and hubris that you often don't know whether to laugh, cry, scream or squirm (I did all four regularly).

Sadly, the film seriously stumbles in the final 10-minutes with a terribly misguided ode to 2001: A Space Odyssey, almost as if Chazelle fell into a refractory coma after prolonging his orgasmic insanity for the previous 2 hours and 59-minutes. That said, what a joyously demented top is lavished upon us up until those closing moments.

Memory is the diary... - The Fabelmans film review

 Steven Spielberg's latest effort is a multi-layers affair.

On the surface it's about filmmaking and the pure love of the escapist aspect of the movies. But it's also about a dysfunctional family, nostalgia, and most potently it's about memories and how, why, and what we choose to remember from our past.

Because of this thematic hodgepodge, it can at times. feel disjointed, but then that's what memories are: disjointed recollections of the past that continue to change over time.

To label this film "heartwarming" might be a slight disservice, but it may very well make you smile, cry, and feel a broad range of emotions depending on what your family was like growing up and based on your own personal connection to the movies.

One thing is for sure: The Fabelmans will make you realize that Spielberge is a gifted and diverse director who has always drawn upon his family's rich and eccentric history in regards to the films he has made.

Side Order of Herring, Extra Red - Glass Onion film review

Agatha Christie is either smiling broadly or rolling over in her grave right about now. The latest Knives Out entry is no less than the fourth whodunnit to be released in theaters since August, all of them owing no small debt to the grand dame of murder mysteries.

Anywho, I really enjoyed the original Benoit Blanc endeavor from 2019. This venture took a little more time for me to warm up to it. 

I chock my initial lukewarm reaction up to the ADHD-styled exposition, wind whipped pacing, and paper thin characters. But by the advent of the third act I realized that all of those perceived shortcomings were merely writer/director Rian Johnson’s sneakily excellent means of misdirection and distraction. 

I fell for all the sleights and feints and red herrings and never guessed who the villain was, even though they were hiding in plain sight the entire time. The third act and conclusion are delightfully delicious as all the puzzle pieces fit together just so. Heck, even the predictable reveals still manage to come off as clever and elicited smiles and a few laughs from my oral cavity.

While definitely not as tightly woven as the first film, it is still a richly engaging endeavor all around. That said, I may have liked See How They Run just a smidge better...

All You Can Eat... - Bones and All film review

This film joins the ranks of such fare as Raw and Ginger Snaps, in that it is a totally f$&ked-up coming of age story. Or, to put it another way, it’s pretty much an after school romance special gone off the rails, with a road trip, a search for birth parents, and a sapient tartare sub-plot.

Teeming with lottsa disturbing supporting characters, the film teeters between twee forbidden romance and unnerving psychological and physical trauma. The grue is thick and the violence is harrowing , mostly because it comes out of nowhere or after long bouts of rose colored lens affected romance and drama.

And, yes, while the finale isn’t much of a surprise, those involved did a decent enough job of delivering some quasi-misdirection that keep you second-guessing up until the final moments of the third act.  

Prior to watching this film I haven’t really understood all the hype about the Chalemet kid, but he is pretty damn bueno in this film. And Michael Stuhlbarg and Mark Rylance are insanely creepy, stealing their scenes like professional criminals.

Check Please... - The Menu film review

Prepare yourself for an ambrosial outing which delivers piquantly skewered satire aimed squarely at those who have elevated eating to an unaffordable luxury. Borrowing elements of Agatha Christie and Richard Connell, plus well-aimed digs at entitled pseudo connoisseurs, the film manages to offer up some nice and twisted moments. Though devoid of any sweet surprises, the plot fits together like a well-oiled jigsaw puzzle that’ll make you smile when it all comes together. The cast is stellar, making good with largely stock characterizations (douchey tech bros, the washed-up actor, the self-righteous critic and her pandering editor, etc.), but there are some rich turns from Nicholas Hoult, Ralph Fiennes, and Anya Taylor-Joy tucked in between the amuse bouche and dessert.

FWIW, this film would make a great pairing with Flux Gourmet, Triangle of Sadness, or Don’t Worry Darling.