No. Just No. The Nope film review

The title says it all.

As in:

You The Movie Loving Public: “Hey Spence, is Nope worth seeing?”

Me: “Nope.”

Further elaboration:

In regards to writer/director Jordan Peele, I thought Get Out was okay. I really dug Us.

Nope, however, is all over the place with too many unfinished ideas, thin characters, and a weak reveal that is neither scary, horrifying, or gory.

There are several scenes meant to be scary that look like people playing in a jump house or doing interpretive dance with parachutes (if you've seen the cult film The Death Bed, well the effects are on part with the silk sheets of suffocation...).

It’s like a kid with ADHD watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Super 8 and said “I can do better,” but then didn’t.

The underlying theme is that animals can’t be tamed, but it fails to even really elaborate on that with any semblance of creativity, let alone horror.

Peele might be this generation’s M. Night…And the internet pundit (oh, my bad, "critic") who exclaimed that Jordan Peele is the greatest horror director ever is an idiot who obviously hasn’t seen enough horror films.

You know a film is crap when even the presence of Keith David and Michael Wincott (!) can’t save it. 

Rage in the Cage - The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent film review

This movie is stupid.

And by that I mean stupid(ly) entertaining.

It's smart in all the right places and hilariously dumb in all the other right places.

While the whole meta action hero shtick is nothing new--Arnie kind of gave it a go in The Last Action Hero and Jean-Claude Van Damme was ahead of the trend with the sublime JCVD--Nic F$%king Cage pretty much goes hellbent for leather and then some here.

The director and screenwriters keep things light and breezy and moving at a breakneck pace. As for Cage? Well, he's firing on all cylinders (and that's something of an understatement).

The plot is ripped straight outta the era when Sly, Bruce, and Arnie (and to a certain extent Steven Seagal, Jean-Claude, and Chuck Norris) ruled the Box Office and Nic gave 'em all a run for their $$$ with Con Air, The Rock, and Face Off. But there's also a heaping dose of ribald comedy a la Leaving Arizona, present here, too.

I laughed, I was thrilled, and now I wanna watch Paddington 2 and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (you will, too, after viewing this flick).

Viva Nic F$%king Cage!

RIYL: Lethal Weapon; Romancing The Stone; Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle; Dude, Where's My Car; JCVD

Lamb I Am or Immaculate Insheeption [uber short Lamb (2021) film review]

This Icelandic film is worth a watch, especially if you dig glacially paced, detached weirdness drenched in fog and earth tones.

Part dark fairy tale, part folk horror, and part farm noir, it is a slow-burn meditation on familial bonds.

PS: Sheep are freaky AF; I can totally see why Satan adopted them as his animal familar...

RIYL: The Green Knight; Antichrist

Rating: 3.5/5

Bond Becomes Bland: No Time To Die review

 The Short Take:

The new Bond film is kind of bland and rather anti-climatic.

It's not that it's bad, but rather a mediocre pastiche of previous Bond films, specifically On Her Majesty's Secret ServiceOn Her Majesty's, extracts from You Only Live Twice (the novel), and Daniel Craig channeling Connery and Moore.

The story is kind of ho-hum, the villain is lackluster, not enough is done with the new 00--who, btw, is badass--and the ending is thick with maudlin melodrama.

The est part of the film is a sequence taking place in Cuba; Ana de Armas for the win!

I feel that the filmmakers tried too hard to appeal to Bond diehards, but ultimately their collective Walther PPK got jammed up.

Rating: 3/5

Auto(mobile)eroticism: Titane review

Screenwriter/director Julia Ducournau’s sophomore effort won The Palme d’Or at the 2021 Cannes Film Festival. Which just goes to prove that not only are the French adept at making fucked-up films, they are also adept at enjoying them.

Titane is a difficult film; difficult to watch, difficult to grasp. On the one hand it’s a gonzo Greek tragedy. On the other, it’s a Shakespearean mistaken identity melodrama soaked in petrol and dizzy off of exhaust fumes.

One thing for certain: it’s never not engaging.  

Whereas Ducournau’s 2016 debut, Raw, was a twisted coming-of-age story, here she throws a head-spinning array of ideas into the mix. There’s incestual innuendo, hints of homoeroticism, body-horror-meets-womb-horror, feints of Fregoli, steroidal rage, mechanophilia, serial killings, and imposter syndrome fallout, just to name a few of the myriad and deranged themes the story appropriates and hugs tightly to its chest.

The film comes out the gate with a wash of visceral violence that had me cringing, squirming, and muttering “what-the-fuck-what-the-fuck-what-the-fuck?!?” more than once. Then it dips into a strange and unnerving familial drama taking place at a firestation. To say any more would ruin the experience of watching it yourself.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the entire thing, but I feel that at its core it’s a rumination on loss, getting old, loving cars, and hating your parents. I think.

RIYL: Irreversible; Dead Ringers; Annette 

Rating: 3.5/5

Candyman (2021) review

I saw the new, re-envisioned Candyman today. 

I had been hella hesitant to see it as the original is one of my favorite horror films. 

Since it was leaving my "local" cinemas today (I have to drive at least 37 miles to the nearest cineplex), I rallied and hit an early showing.

Glad I did. 

Plus I had the theater to myself!

The film follows suit with the latest Halloween entries in that it is a direct sequel to the original, thus crushing any canonical continuity to Candymans 2 and 3. 

The new creative team did a good job, unleashing a serious B-movie wrapped in pseudo arthouse pretenses. 

Lottsa subtext (some subtle, some overt as fiznuck) ranging from the subjects of gentrification to the need for folklore and knowing one's history. 

Some really great imagery and framing of shots run throughout and the use of shadow puppetry is fantastic; it helps ground the film in not only folklore, but also urban legends.

The score and sound design are really cool, too; extremely immersive and adding to the overal vibe of the film. 

While there are a few slash-and-gush moments, for the most part the film goes for implied gore, relying more on Hitchcockian techniques than in-yer-face splatter.

On the downside, the third act kinda falls apart and feels rushed, plus there is some skimping on exposition and character development. It actually would have benefited from another 15-30 minutes of run time, imho .

Yet despite the somewhat wobbly finale, all in all it's a worthy successor/continuation to the 1992 original.

Rating: 3.5/5

Know When To Fold 'Em - The Card Counter review

Paul Schrader 's (screenwriter of Taxi Drivef, Raging Bull, and others) latest effort is a thematic and genre mash-up covering neon noir, hitman-with-a-heart-of-gold, hustler/mentor, and revenge territory.

Delivered in a steadily paced manner with a decidedly detached aura, the film is teeming with nuance and slow-burn tension. A fantastic score and plenty of saturated scenery only add to the overall ambiance.

Oscar Isaac gives a wonderfully understated and tense performance. Tiffany Haddish is a little bit awkward, but delivers some great lines and is really good at seductively drinking drinks and strutting in high heels. Tye Sheridan holds his own. Willem Dafoe makes a cameo.

The score, by Robert Levon Been of Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, wavers between ethereal and visceral, adding substantial nuance to the overall mood and flow of the film. [Interesting trivia: Robert Levon Been is the son of Michael Been, former bassist/vocalist of The Call. Michael scored Schrader's 1992 film Light Sleeper, which also featured Willem Dafoe].

RIYL: First Reformed, The Hard Eight, The Color of Money

Rating: 4/5