Ready Or Not

The inherent problem with Ready Or Not is that the geniuses in marketing at Fox Searchlight decided to include all the funny, shocking, and exciting moments of the film in the trailer. As if that weren’t enough, somebody else decided that it would be equally prudent to reveal the entire plot of the movie in the trailers, too. So, be warned that should you decide to venture to the cineplex to see this little horror-thriller-comedy and if you happened to have seen any of the trailers over the past few months, then there will be absolutely zero moments of hilarity, shock, or excitment in store for you. Additionally, the screenwriters felt it necessary to keep things utterly predictable. For example, the character searching for redemption finds it; the “innocent” character ends up being evil; the surprise ending isn’t. The cast is solid, for what it’s worth, and seems to be having a good time with the lackluster material. Samara Weaving (she, the niece of The Matrix's “Mr. Smith”) is fastly becoming this generation’s bona fide genre queen, having starred in the delectable The Babysitter (on NF) and the lackluster Mayhem prior to giving a go at being the blood-spattered bride in this eventual dud. Her charisma and spunk is really the only thing keeping this venture afloat. On the subject of acting, I have to say that I found I rather liked Adam Brody in the picture (even though his character archetype was completely cliche) and hope that he finds himself in bigger and better fare. Other than Weaving and Brody, the real star of the film is the opulent mansion in which our story takes place (I Googled it and apparently it’s widely used in film, television, and the like). Ultimately, this film should have gone straight to Red Box or a streaming site like Netflix and not the theaters (whereas The Babysitter should have gotten a theatrical release, imho).

Rating: 2/5

Scary Storied To Tell In The Dark

I recently read that producer Guillermo del Toro did not wish to make a “standard” anthology film. He stated that a traditional anthology horror film is only as good as the weakest story. So, instead he decided to write a wraparound story linking all the other stories together. Somebody should have told him that an “unorthodox” anthology is only as good as the weak wraparound story holding it together. The wraparound here, involving a cringingly cliched vengeful spirit, seems to have been created purely as a plot device to perpetuate sequels in the theaters or an ongoing series on streaming services should this film perform well at the Box Office.

On he bright side, the film is teeming with that vintage Spielberg/Amblin Entertainment mid-’80s vibe (think ET, Goonies, Gremlins), but with a slightly darker patina. It also seems to be trying to capitalize on the whole Stranger Things bandwagon.

Apart from the dark ambiance, there are few scares and some interesting creature design. However, there are quite a few editing gaffs that make several scenes feel out of timeline and the ending of the film not only feels rushed, but is quietly confusing. As for the intelligence and ingenuity of the main characters? Given their precocious nature it’s seriously lacking. Honestly, once the kids figured out what was happening with the book of scary stories, they should have been quicker on the uptake to end the madness (“The Toe” story has a HUGE plot gap and an idiot protagonist, not to mention his helpless/clueless friends).

There are also quite a few really bad special effect moments, particularly the speedy bugs that crawl all over a scarecrow’s face in the first segment. I am sure that somebody thought lots of CG created roly-polies running up and down a scarecrow’s face was scary, but they were misguided.

The film is something of a letdown considering the creative team involved. Overall this is pretty tame horror fare, especially given the Guillermo del Toro stamp of approval. If you are an older horror connoisseur, then this endeavor will be rather boring, but I imagine if you are a tween in Junior High, then this might very well be your jam.

Rating: 2/5

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw

Holy Shit!

Hobbs & Shaw is gloriously ridiculous and incredibly stupid. And when I say “stupid”, I mean “stupid fresh”.

First up, be sure to leave your Suspension of Disbelief Barometer with the coat check girl in the lobby. Then you can just sit back and soak up the insanity.

While not quite at the level of XxX: The Return of Xander Cage (H&S doesn’t have Donnie Yen), this film is still teeming with so much over-the-top badassness that it’s inescapably enjoyable.

A large part and parcel of the joy of this film resides in the acting and chemistry of the four leads--Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham, Vanessa Kirby, and Idris Elba. Each of them seems to be having a blast and while they appear to be taking the material somewhat seriously, there’s also a bit of a gleam in their eyes as if to say “yeah, we know this shit is ridiculous, but it’s still cool.” In short, they know that the entire production is a giant, multi-million dollar piss take on the action genre, but they are wholeheartedly invested. And since they are obviously with the program, you, the viewer get easily swept up on the madness. Plus, The Rock is charismatic as fuck. So is Statham. Kirby is easy on the eyes. And Elba, well, he’s Black Superman. Helen Mirren is wonderful in her brief moments on screen, too, for those looking for thespian royalty co-signers.

While the fight scenes are bone crunching and the stunts are filled with serious WTF?!?! moments, it doesn’t hurt any that the dialogue is snappy and there’s enough dick and fart jokes bandied about to keep even Jay & Silent Bob enthralled. Additionally, the “sly” meta-moments--nods to The Italian Job, The Life Aquatic, Die Hard, and others--are actually funny and don’t fall flat or feel forced.

If there are any faults the standouts come in the form of a couple of high profile cameos. The first is annoying, mostly because the actor in question, imho, has played himself out on social media and become a caricature of himself. The other main cameo, while it feels like a blatant plug for an upcoming blockbuster starring Johnson and the actor in question (cough, Jumanji, cough), I have to admit that I laughed for much of it. Sadly, it ended up being a bit drawn out and ultimately lost its charm. Honestly, cameos from either Kurt Russell, Michelle Rodriguez, Vin Diesel or Ludacris would have been way cooler. Heck, I woulda lost my shit if Lucas Black had shown up. Now that would have been mega meta.

After all is said and done, this is a quintessential summer popcorn movie. It’s like an ‘80s James Bond flick on meth. And Thank God that there’s no giant explosion filled alien invasions.

Oh yeah, stay in your seats after the last frame you wankers: there’s 3 post-credit scenes.

Rating: 4/5

RIYL: XxX: The Return of Xander Cage; Kingsman; Fast & Furious 6; Furious 7; The Fate of the Furious

Gator Aid [Crawl film review]

This film is pretty much what you would expect, which is a shame as the limited plot definitely had potential. While teeming with some great jump scares and moments of white-knuckle inducing intensity, it sadly falls victim to unnecessary and cliched maudlin drama; the story revolves around an estranged daughter and her overbearing father.  The film would have fared better had it just focused on the alligators and their human prey without all the sappy trappings. To top it all off we are additionally treated to a completely saccharine ending. What’s worse, is that there were several fleeting moments--the looters, the gator eggs, the family dog-- that easily could been turned into something more substantial, ultimately fleshing out the film a bit. The potential for some nasty twists was there, too. Unfortunately, these moments just ended up being wasted opportunities that went nowhere.
What stands out the most in this endeavor are the CG alligators, which actually look pretty damn real. Mind you, I’ve never been in close proximity to a real gator, but these ones looked scary and mean. Kudos to the FX team for that. And kudos to both Kaya Scoderlario and Barry Pepper for enduring what was probably a grueling shoot consisting of weeks in the water and muck; that’s no small feat.
Sadly, cool gators and amphibious actors do not a great movie make. So, despite a lot of untapped potential, Crawl kind of flounders.

Rating: 2/5
RIYL: 47 Meters Down; Piranha 3-D; The Shallows

Web-Slinging Abroad [Spider-Man: Far From Home film reviee]

I feel the need to admit that I am suffering what the entertainment pundits have been calling “superhero fatigue.” I honestly have not gotten all that excited for any of the tent pole Marvel and DC films that have dropped over he past several years. Sure, I eventually go see them, but it’s more out of some twisted obligation (perhaps because I’m already invested having seen all the previous films?) than actually having a strong desire to see them. So it was with the latest Spidey adventure, which I avoided seeing until I got bored one afternoon and figured “what the hell?”.
I went into this film with considerably low expectations. And you know what? Like the recent Shazam! film, I was pleasantly surprised and thoroughly entertained. This may actually be one of the best Marvel efforts to date.
Now if you even have a passing knowledge of Spider-Man and his exploits, it won’t be hard to figure out what’s going to happen in the film, especially in regards to Mysterio. Predictability aside, there’s enough cool visual flair to keep your eyes glued to the screen, but what really stands out here is the script. Not so much the story, mind you, but rather the dialogue, which is smart, clever, and, well, often feels genuine. It's funny, too. On top of that, the interaction between Peter Parker and his sidekick Ned comes off natural and never feels forced. Ditto for the chemistry between Peter and MJ. Perhaps this is a testament to the actors involved, but I tend to think that a good deal of this is coming from the words written by Erik Sommers and Chris McKenna (who incidentally, co-wrote Homecoming, but with 4 other screenwriters; methinks having just two writers on this film helped to make things cleaner and a bit more streamlined).
In short, Spider-Man: Far From Home is what you want from a superhero movie: decent action augmented by a decent story, all wrapped up in solid dialogue and great chemistry between all of the actors involved.
That said, the film looses a few points for yet another cosmic battle of "epic" proportions (we can thank all of the Avengers films for setting this now boring and bloated bar), as well as the “twist” ending, which was kind of lame and most likely meant to be “ironic” (t's not). In the end this is an almost steller summer popcorn bonanza.
Oh yeah, if you are a gung-ho superhero movie nerd then be advised that there are two post-credit “bonus” sequences.

Rating: 3.5/5
RIYL: Spider-Man: Homecoming; Avengers: Endgame; All the other Marvel films; Shazam!

The Art of Self Defence

This dark and often surreal comedy walks the line between deadpan brilliance and over-the-top outlandishness. I inadvertently glanced at a review which spoke about the film’s skewering of toxic masculinity. I guess you could say it does that. But it also touches upon misogyny, bullying, transformative experiences, the cult of personality (and, well, just cults as a whole), the need to belong, fear of being weak, and myriad other subjects. But honestly, all of that came to mind after I watched the film and stewed on it during my drive home. In the moment, TAOSD is an absurdist jaunt into the life of a glorious sad sack who finds redemption in karate. Kind of. The film is teeming with foreshadowing and, in a way, is pretty predictable, but it moves at such a wonderfully succinct pace that you kind of forget about the breadcrumbs that have been dropped until BAM! they smack you in the face and you say “Damn, I should have seen that coming!” I dig films like this, you know, ones where seemingly innocuous events that occurred in the beginning of the film come back into play at the end; it’s like a tightly woven tapestry of

Jesse Eisenberg plays the socially awkward protagonist to great effect, perhaps a smidgen over-the-top in terms of how stiff and detached he is from reality and social norms. Then again, that seems to be the film’s major ploy: fucking with the balance of impassive and camp. Imogen Poot is equally enthralling, giving an earnest, yet smoldering performance. And Alessandro Nivola as the off-kilter karate sensei is wonderfully malevolent. 

On top of it all there’s plenty of good old ultra-violence sprinkled throughout, which offsets the droll satire nicely and helps create an atmosphere where you never really know what’s going to happen next. Okay, I did mention all of the blatant foreshadowing leading up to predictable moments, but the violence often works as a jarring red herring.

If you like your comedies swinging from the gallows, but in an irreverent and left-of-center manner then this is an entertaining and engaging effort.

Rating: 4/5

RIYL: The Lobster; Safety Not Guaranteed; After Hours; Withnail & I; Repo Man

Dont'cha Just Hate Sand In Your Crotch? [The Beach Bum film review]

Filmed in a loose, yet heightened cinema verite style (or a faux Dogma 95 style, if you prefer), this film reminds me of a less slick version of Surfer Dude. In both films Matthew McConaughey portrays a once famous, now aimless beach bred individual (here he’s a once revered poet) and spends the bulk of the film getting stoned and participating in wayward hijinks. While the thin story line centers around Moondog (McConaughey’s character) becoming something of a responsible adult (the story is really like a tweaker’s version of Brewster’s Millions) it’s loose and rambling style can be distracting. Much of the film feels as if director Harmony Korine gave the cast a rudimentary outline, told them to get wasted, and just wing it. While it can be endearing at times, mostly due to McConaughey’s sheer charisma and dynamic acting, the borderline linear directing style can be off-putting and tiresome. Additionally, the inclusion of obvious non-actors, while giving the film a slight sense of “authenticity” also felt manipulative and, well, fake; it was like the director and professional actors were pandering to the locals by including them in the film, but also making fun of them in an underhanded way. Yet despite it’s faux documentary vibe, the film is still a slick, somewhat Hollywood-styled endeavor.

While McConaughey completely dominates the screen Isla Fisher goes for broke and almost rivals him. However, the surprise turn comes in the form of former Disney heartthrob Zac Efron, whose self-destructive Born Again Christian character Flicker lends some hell raising hilarity to the proceedings. And Martin Lawrence ain’t too shabby either. The only weak link amongst the thespians is Snoop Dogg. Dude may be a stellar rapper, but when placed next to McConaughey and the rest of the cast it becomes apparent that he’s not a very good actor.

In retrospect, methinks the The Beach Bum might be enhanced if one were to view it in a haze of some kind, taking after the characters in the film, no less.

RATING: 2.5 / 5 

RIYL: Spring Breakers; Surfer Dude;

Superbad Gone Gynocentric [Booksmart Film Review]

There’s a moment in Booksmart, at the end of the second act, where a supporting character states that he hopes to make billions of dollars designing airplanes and then take that money and finance Broadway musicals; he stresses that they will be “original” and not revivals. He then goes on to lament about how there is nothing new anymore and how everything is either a revival, rehash, or reboot. It’s a blatantly forced ironic meta mini-moment as practically nothing in this little film is original.
While not specifically a revival, Booksmart certainly is a rehash of just about every post-John Hughes teen comedy one can muster their gray matter to think of. The one that came to the forefront of my mind whilst watching this much hyped indie comedy was,1998’s Can’t Hardly Wait. But the film it rips off the most, um, I mean most resembles, is Superbad. Seriously, I can practically see the pitch made to producers: “Think Superbad, but with girls as the leads!” There’s the meek skinny girl and her chubby, bossy bestie (who not-so-coincidentally methinks, happens to be Jonah Hill’s sister in real life). Naturally this odd couple are the two outsiders at their high school and the film gets underway when they realize on the last day before graduation that they wasted the past 4 years in the library instead of partying. Naturally, they decide to crash the biggest senior bash. From there the film dips into semi quest territory as they attempt to locate said party. This was an intriguing twist and for a quick moment I thought I was going to be privy to a teenaged homage to After Hours. Sadly, the filmmakers didn’t go that route and the film quickly sinks back into routine teen comedy tropes.
Even though pretty much everything in this film is pastiched from other films, I did find myself laughing out loud several times, so it wasn’t a complete waste of time. In fact, it’s deja vu-styled familiarity lends the film a kind of nostalgic, warm-n-fuzzy-yet-raunchy vibe.
There is no question that leading ladies-- Kaitlyn Dever and Beanie Feldstein (Hill’s sibling) -- have great chemistry, plus many of the tertiary characters are brilliantly acted and steal scenes whenever they get the chance (keep an eye out for Gigi, portrayed by Carrie Fisher’s daughter, no less), and the soundtrack is killer (although I have to question just how many 18 year old Class of 2019 graduates actually listen to DJ Shadow, Run the Jewels, and The Handsome Boy Modeling School; those guys are contemporaries of mine!). Sadly, none of this helps to mask the fact that the story is full-on “seen it all before” action.
In the end, Booksmart is an entertaining enough diversion, and as much as I want to hate on it for being completely unoriginal, it was funny-as-f&$k a lot of the time. That said, it’s not even the least bit necessary to spend $12 to see on the Big Screen. Seriously, if you are hankering to be reminded of your wasted, misspent youth, then wait for it to show up at Redbox or on your favorite streaming service, that way you can get hella lit in the comfort of your own home and regale in all the vag and queef jokes.

Rating: 2.5/5
RIYL: Can’t Hardy Wait; Superbad; American Pie; She’s All That